K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
