the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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