Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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