End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
