I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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