I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize