Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
