So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
