I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
