Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
