Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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