As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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