he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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