Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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