end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
operation have a gay friend backfired
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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