She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
