WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
