Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
