hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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