i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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