I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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