Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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