So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He shit in the fireplace
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
