the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
