Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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