why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
