We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
