Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
