where am i from again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize