Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The uberlube is also flammable
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
