there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
