At least make sure they are 18
Why
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
