booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
