he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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