Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
