You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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