he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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