if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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