Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just had sex on a roof
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
