You smell like a Billy Joel song
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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