bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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