I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
