Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
