They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
