We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
