I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
