i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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