A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
