Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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