I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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