do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
