Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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